When things don't go your way.18, July, 2014, by Seema Bhatnagar
You want to lose weight but failing every time, you want to get promoted to next title in your organization but your boss doesn't trust your capabilities. Your boss lashes out verbally at you for not doing up-to-the-mark job. You want your partner to be understanding but your spouse is always criticizing you for every decision. You want to get up early in the morning for walk but somehow don't get energy to wake up. You are spending more than your budget because things have become costlier. Your kids don't listen to your advice. Missing project deadlines…Goddamn what not?
"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves." ~Viktor E. Frankl
Aren't these familiar scenarios in your life? Yes, there are many things which go out of control and make you feel as if you have lost grip over things and life is just slipping away. The matter of fact is, we really have no control over others and things outside, the only control we have is on ourselves but unfortunately with constant habit of changing outside scenarios we have forgotten to reflect about our own actions and thoughts. Making changes in self than to change outside situations is a completely different paradigm and absolutely unconventional. Mostly we want others to change for us, do things according to us and if this doesn't work out we feel stressed and feel as if we have no control over life.
What can you do?
"There is no black-and-white situation. It's all part of life. Highs, lows, middles." ~ Van Morrison
Well, first of all, get rid of the idea that it is only you who has been chosen for all frustrations, difficulties, non-sense and weirdness in this universe. For your knowledge, everybody is facing some or other type of troubles in life but we develop a tendency to zoom our problem to highest possible magnitude and feel ourselves as victim of life. In such situations what is important - is to have a calm and clear mind to clear the cobwebs of situation and come out with winning proposition. You don't have to prove yourself as a leader or winner but you have to develop a capacity to steer clear of problems and frustrations thrown by life at you. If you feel, life is not unfair at all than it is only your perception, it is only your capabilities and responses which make you to feel so.
No matter what the situation is, however difficult or harsh or severe it may be, just take a stock and build your response around it. Following are some tips offered which can prove quite effective in preparing yourself for situations when things don't go your way.
Tip#1 - Stop expecting.
Expecting others to behave like you is a not fair, it is another way of controlling others according to your whims and fancies. Also, with this attitude, you promote the idea to others that it is alright to expect others to behave according to you. Have zero expectations from others keeping in mind that people don't think according to you and they have their own uniqueness and emotional baggage. Do whatever is possible that is within your capacity to make situation better and simple.
Tip#2 - Know your limitations.
In order to do your best, you must have clear idea of what is beyond and within your capabilities. Know your strengths to make the best use of them. Utilizing your strengths will surely turn around the situation because you do not have to learn anything new, it is already inside you.
Tip3# - Seek opportunities.
In every situation there is something good which remains hidden from purview. This good could be the opportunity to learn something new, to learn some new behavioral approach or a learning about other person or situation. It is entirely upto you how you look at the situation and make the most of it to your advantage.
Tip4# - Seek win-win solutions.
Winning situations which involves others, doesn't really bring long lasting happiness, it is only a temporary ego satisfaction of being a winner. The better approach is to think of solutions which are win-win to all involved. This would improve your relationships with others as well it will give you inner satisfaction of keeping everybody inclusive in the situation. It might have its own side effects but this is something which works in most of the situations. Side effects might be, you might make little profit in a deal or you might have to do bigger chunk of work etc. but this is one way through which you can bring balance in situations.
Tip5# - Enhance your skills and capabilities.
Some of the situations keep you stuck strongly because you don't have right set of skills and capabilities to overcome them. So, it's high time to give a fresh look at your skills and capabilities. Invest time, money and efforts to develop new skills which will naturally enhance your capabilities to handle more in life. Remember, there is no age for learning new skill.
Tip6# - Check out benefits.
Struggling through any problem or situation gives you benefit of strengthening your existing qualities or emotional muscles. If you sulk in situations, you will get better at it, if you think more to get out of the situation, you will get better at thinking positive solutions. You must pay attention to what is the benefit of the situation and what are your qualities which are getting enhanced or sharpened by working on it. Choose the benefit and learn from the situations.
Tip7# - Simplify your life.
Let your hair down and stop being a perfectionist. Just simplify your life and enjoy the situations. Lose your grip over situations by setting less standards and ideals for yourself. Simplifying your life will add more space for other things and people in your life and will naturally open more doors of opportunities.
Tip8# - Stay calm.
Pull yourself together. Take steps and overcome your anger and frustration and try to stay calm. Staying calm means you can understand others better and can think better through the situation. Clarity of situations adds more power to you. If it is difficult for you to stay calm, learn meditation techniques.
Tip9# - Manage time.
Juggling through situations and problems in life makes you forget about your priorities and you simply feel dragged by external forces. Take a conscious look at your priorities in life. It should be your own thought about what is most important for you rather than what others feels important for you. Decide priorities and manage time efficiently. Work is not the only most important aspect of life - you must spend quality time with your family and friends to feel your bonds of love. Also, not to forget to make time for pursuing your hobby and interests which adds zing to your life.
Tip10# - Stay Focused.
Staying focused and determined to bring the best out of you is the only powerful thought which can provide required fuel to you for overcoming entangling situations. Stay focused on your personal growth to make the best of every situation.
Don't sulk or withdraw from situations, give your active participation and look for solutions. Life is not about having control over others or situations - it is about knowing how you can do your best when things are not going our way. No situation is larger than you, it is only a matter of perspective we develop about situations.
For sure, things will never go the way you want because there are thousands of possibilities for things and people to go wrong or not the way you want, simply for the reason that people are emotional and things are dynamic in nature. It is only for you to think how you can make your way through entangling situations. Do not feel controlled and more importantly don't try to control situations, just see what is the best you have to offer even if it means living with some temporary discomfort.