Get introduced to self.15, Mar, 2017, by Seema Bhatnagar
Many a times it feels as if we know ourselves fully well, but certain situations of life compel us to react or behave in a manner which we never expected from self. In all those instances, external situations become the driving force and keep us oblivious of our true nature. Road rage, abusive language, racism, discriminations are such stark realities demonstrating how badly someone can lose control over self.
This unpredictable behavior and reactions to situations certainly demands that we should know self in and out fully. Looking closely on it, most of our behaviors and reactions are actually just strong conditioning since childhood, which means unconsciously reacting to situations.
Our level of education, exposure and capability to think in an unprejudiced way should ideally make each one of us a seasoned person, but once again, because of adopted mindsets we are compelled to behave in a preconceived and predictable manner.
Marriages are the most common grounds of constant conflicts and mutual disagreements, which in extremes lead to painful breakups and divorces. Even in job also, not knowing self, becomes a cause of constant conflicts and arguments with boss and peers. In fact, many marriages, jobs and relationships could have survived the heat of circumstances had there been a clear cut understanding of self.
Not knowing self fully means you are a potential explosive ready to blast on any trigger anytime, anywhere. A strong urge of getting to know self is something inherent in all of us but due to strong pull of outer forces we feel compelled to behave in a conditioned way.
Why is it that we find ourselves weak at the hands of circumstances? Isn’t it worth that we should at least attempt once to understand what exactly we want from ourselves, what expectations we have from self and why we are not able to control our behaviors?
Where to start from?
You might have tried already to know yourself by reading thousand of self-help books, personal development blogs, discussing with friends and what not, but every attempt got foiled by certain inherent compulsion. Every time it remained as an impossible goal and eventually you stopped paying attention to it and meekly surrendered to certain compulsion.
The best place and time to get introduced to self is “Now and Here”, and it is really not too late. A single, insignificant or even a casual attempt towards getting introduced to self has a potential to transform life and if it is a serious attempt it promises to transform your destiny. The choice lies in your hand.
Let’s make an attempt.
As a first step, observe your each and every interaction with others and see how you respond and react. If you feel some uneasiness or discomfort after your interaction with anybody then it is a clear indication that you need to know yourself further.
Drop preconceived ideas.
On giving a closer look, you would find that most of your interactions become a source of friction or heat simply for the reason because you had preconceived notions or expectations from others for that particular situation.
For every situation involving others we start judging from our own parameters and forget to take into account that the other person also possesses some kind of expectations according to his/her level of maturity and understanding of a situation.
Dropping expectations and facing the situation as it takes shape naturally will simply help you in coming to terms with the situations and eventually you will have more tolerence towards other person.
Our tendency to prove ourselves perfect in all situations and superior from others takes us away from what we are. With every such situation we create a big gap from our true self. If you feel superior to others, it is your ego which is working full throttle on you because a true learner is always ready to gain from others rather than creating edges around self.
Leaving the idea of proving self will give you a deep breathing space and you will feel more friendly and open towards others.
Detach from false self.
Many a times we simply love to be called what we like rather what we actually are, because “what we are” might have certain flaws and our ego will not allow to accept it and if somebody makes a comment about what we are, we feel attacked, offended and react with full toxicity. So, it makes sense to understand what you actually are rather than wearing false self.
Detaching from false image means you are approaching your true self. Though it takes courage and perseverance but this is how you can meet your true self.
Do you have a clear idea what you are good at and a bit weaker in something else? Not knowing it well or may be hiding from it will surely cause much of distress in your life.
For example, if somebody comments on you that you are a shirker at work and somewhere you also feel that sometime you do avoid working upon certain duties assigned to you, initially you would react but on a second thought you might agree to it internally, but don’t have enough courage to accept it fully. When you know yourself fully well, it is easier to forgive others and you don’t have to waste energy in defending self.
Instead of hearing from others what you are good or bad at, isn't it a good idea to approach self with more love and understanding. It surely demands honest and sincere efforts in this direction and of course it is a time consuming activity as well but once you are comfortable with your areas of strengths and weeknesses you can enjoy a eternal love affair with self.
A beautiful inner world.
Deep down we all know what we do and what we are good at, but what we lack is enough courage to accept it and most of our reactions are either about defending ourselves by attacking others or reacting to situations.
Look at children, all of them are bundle of joy, so truthful, friendly and helpful. Isn’t it that we all have come from that stage? It seems somewhere on the journey from childhood to adulthood we have injected pollution to these qualities. Where have these qualities vanished?
If we pay little attention to what we cherish moment to moment, we will arrive at the same set of qualities. For example, fairness, equal opportunities, honesty, sincerity, helpfulness, friendliness and joyfulness etc., are certain qualities which we all like. In fact, we all want these qualities in others but not knowing exactly if we ourselves possess these or not.
Though we all believe that each one of us is unique in a certain way but then why do we react in a defined way? Aren’t we copying behaviors from each others? Isn’t it contradictory to concept of uniqueness?
No matter how strange it feels while attempting to know self, you must make an attempt to reach a point where you are absolutely in unison with your true nature and only then begins the real taste of life. That is a moment when life feels effortless and abundant, because nothing and nobody has a power to make you feel hurt and helpless.
Getting to know yourself fully is the best gift you can give to yourself and to the world.