Do not cry over spilt milk.17, Oct, 2016, by Seema Bhatnagar
There are times when events, circumstances, relationships, and situations, every possible thing goes against self and life feels completely in chaos making you feel as a looser. Deep down one keeps lamenting loss for years and years. Isn’t this something which sounds familiar as a common experience of life?
Break- ups in relationships, losing a job, losing somebody to death or any event or situation has a power to shake us from our core. It may make somebody to lose mental balance or in some cases it may incite somebody to commit suicide. The problem starts when one sticks to the loss or damage done by the situation and the consequent lamentation becomes the primary force to do all actions in life. Sometimes the resentment is so intense that people cling to one particular bad event and constantly drain their energy to take revenge from others to feel satisfied. This fire of vengeance completely derails an individual.
Why it is so difficult to leave the past and move on?
It is simply for the reason that people have larger than life ego which constantly feeds on proving its superiority over others. It is a personal ego that tells an individual that whatever I am thinking must happen the way I want else it is a failure. This egoistic thinking is the primary mindset behind every little task one undertakes. On not getting the desired results, it sets the fire of revenge or it triggers an urge to set everything right in place.
When anything becomes a matter of personal identity, it makes and individual to put all personal strength to save it from getting stained and hence it makes an individual extra conscious, and that adds extra burden on mind to think non-stop. Consequently, mind becomes fragile to handle any criticism or failure.
My personal experience
This year, April 2016, during my trip to Jaipur, I got into a little trouble. It was an evening time around 7 o’clock, I wanted to withdraw some money from ATM for some expenses, I took out my card and without paying much attention I inserted it into a slot. To my wonder, the card got dropped inside the machine and I simply lost it in front of my eyes. Oops…there was no way I could pull it out from the machine. On looking closely I realized that slot was left open mistakenly and was not one where the card should have been inserted.
As an immediate step, I tried to call customer care but nobody answered. The next thought that came to me was, I can ask the security guard if he can help in getting the card back. But he told us that this machine would be opened tomorrow morning by 11:00 am for loading cash and only then you may come and speak to concerned personnel. So, there was no way out at that particular moment that I could get my card back.
It was a situation that had a potential to disturb me thoroughly but I effortlessly remained calm and patient learning that nothing could be done at that particular moment. I simply reminded myself that in worst case, if somebody misuses my card I would lose all my cash and calculated how much loss I would incur by morning. Whatever may be the loss, in any case, it will be opened tomorrow morning and nobody can take it out from the machine and I can take some other steps by next morning. With this thought in mind, I simply enjoyed and had my dinner and had a long late night chatting session with my friend.
By next morning, after analyzing all the involved hassles and risks, finally I decided to block my card. Then I went to nearest branch of my bank and got my card blocked. Since I needed some cash so I spoke to Manager and explained the whole story and he suggested me to write a special request letter to withdraw required cash. Later on, I applied for fresh card which got delivered within a fortnight.
For those almost 16 hours, my friend was completely under the grip of fear and anxiety about this loss and out of concern she was constantly reminding me of all possible things which could go wrong, but I was perfectly calm and at ease. She was absolutely blown away looking at my easy disposition in that particular event. She was constantly asking me, how come you can take it so easy when there is a potential risk of losing your cash. I really had no concrete answer and gently responded that I will face whatever comes my way.
Crying or getting angry over the opened slot, carelessness of ATM operators, customer care not answering, why it has happened to me, it has spoiled my trip - are some of the lamentations I could make but would it really have helped and bring my card back, NO.
Learning from this event - it is better to think of solutions rather than crying over spilt milk. Just move on.
It made me to think, why I took it so easy in that event, why I did not get panicked like my friend or why it did not affect me at all. The only answer I have is, with constant yoga and meditation my ability to undergo stressful situations has enhanced dramatically. Many things or behaviors which used to trigger my anger before have now vanished away and I enjoy easy disposition with people and situations however testing they may be.
Another perspective which has become a part of my growth is - the trust in higher power which constantly works in my favour. With so many life incidents which went wrong in some way, were actually blessings in disguise, so if anything goes wrong now it doesn’t affect me at all because I know somewhere there would be some learning or something else which is not needed in life would be removed impeccably by the grace of higher power. Reaching to this perspective took me long years but I am happy that I have reached to a point from where there is no looking back.
How to take it easy and move on?
Keeping the narrow view of overall situation will never help you to reach a peaceful state where you can simply let go of pain attached. In any case, lamenting over anything never solves a problem rather it aggravates all involved and the make the situation worse. What is needed is a peaceful and amicable resolution to end this lamentation. Anything which has gone wrong cannot be brought back to original state but damage control can be done and a strategy can be thought through to ensure that it doesn’t recur.
Instead of bursting with anger and blaming all involved as wrongdoers, it is always a best strategy to look for ways about how such event will not be repeated in future. Patience and tolerance in that moment goes a long way and can avoid many eventualities.
Drop your tendency to be always right or perfect. Do your best in every situation and let things go in action without thinking much about what others would think of you.
Remember, even if you plan for years and years for any particular event there are still some unforeseen possibilities which may go wrong. What is needed is the awareness of how you are going to face and react to the eventuality or the spilt milk. Constantly remind yourself that whatever may be the case I am fine facing the consequences and will not lament about it. This habit can be inculcated with regular practice of Yoga and Pranayams (breathing techniques).
Part of personal growth
If you have a trust in higher power, then consider any misfortune or failure as a test given to you to improve yourself and grow in life. Because every failure has something to teach in life, not learning from it means another failure will come. The higher power wants us to learn and grow, unless one has learnt and grown up, failures and blocks will keep coming on the way. Isn’t it how we learnt everything in life, whether it is mathematics or learning any language?
No matter what happens in life, even if there is a crisis, there is no point in lamenting about it because things have already happened; now one has to face it with courage and boldness. Such are the events which provide us opportunities to grow in life, if we miss these, we also lose opportunities to experience growth. Life is to learn and move on.
Ego - The tameable enemy.
The devil inside - Anger - How to overcome?
You are your Habits.